“And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.”-Ephesians 6:4
Often you can gauge what is going on in the home by watching the actions and reactions of the children. What begins as conscious (or unconscious) modeling behavior, soon turns into learned behavior. Kids absorb everything and gradually become a reflection of their environment. The home being their most prominent environment. In this way our children rise up in judgment against us, as they are a true reflection of who we are. They see what (almost) no one else does.
Not long ago my wife warned me off killing a hornet’s nest, saying “it is best not to provoke them.” To provoke means to deliberately make someone angry or annoyed. It can also mean to incite or give rise to emotion. The scriptures command us fathers provoke not your children to wrath. How quickly we can be guilty of this if we are not dependent on Christ. In the first place we can provoke them by modeling the behavior of wrath in front of them. If they see us yelling, overreacting and unable to control ourselves, then they will do the same. If our response to wrath is wrath, then they will emulate that response. Furthermore, we can provoke our children to wrath by executing wrath upon them. Through rash behavior, overly harsh punishments, and unkind words. Long on punishments, and short on mercy. Every parent knows that nothing will burn your fuse quicker than your kids (an odd paradox, but truer than most care to admit). Although we love them more than ourselves (or at least we should), there are days they find our last nerve and stomp all over it. Then we react in a manner that is far too harsh and provoke them to wrath. Knowing how and when to execute judgment or mercy is wisdom we must receive from God. Another way we can provoke our children to wrath is to be on the edge of wrath ourselves. By remaining under the influence of the world and worldly things, and not under the direction of the Holy Spirit. Under the influence of drugs or alcohol. Under the influence of stress and worry. Allowing the cares of this world and the deceitfulness of riches to choke the word and it becomes unfruitful in us. A father that neglects his prayer closet, and devotional time will soon neglect his children, provoking them to wrath. It is not enough that we refrain from provoking them, but we must also “bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.” Nurturing is to care for in the growth and development of--like growing tomatoes children are to be trained along to grow into the set of standards and guidelines found in scripture. They must be pruned and promoted at the perfect time. It is a delicate balance of care. Too much can stunt the growth, too little can cause the plant to grow wild and unruly. I see a great lesson here in raising of children. What a challenge! What a charge! God said to Noah: “Come thou and all thy house into the ark; for thee have I seen righteous before me in this generation.” Noah would preserve righteousness in the earth and save his household, because of the righteous, good father that he was.Of Abraham God would proclaim that he would not hide from him the things which God does because God knew that he will command his children and his household after him, and they shall keep the way of the Lord. The Lord would judge the priest Eli testifying that “he restrained not his sons.” In the scripture we have examples of good fathers, and the blessing they can be. As well as bad fathers, and the reproach they can bestow upon themselves, their children, and the work of God.
If left to us, we would fail to fulfill this commandment in Ephesians six, but thankfully we have a Father in heaven that cares for us. One who will sanctify us and guide us so that we might guide our children. I thank God that he corrects us and in correcting he shows us how to correct our children. In loving, how to love. In teaching how to teach. In instruction, how to instruct. Of this I am convinced; that fatherhood is a blessed calling of God and only through His wisdom can we hope to fulfill it in the order and calling God intended. May the Lord help me, and any man who would assume the mantle of father, because fathering a child does not make you a father.
